"I insist that you do not expose my son to your Bipolar friend" – Prohibited Steps Order against someone with Bipolar?

Well, I’m feeling miserable today. Hurt actually, very hurt. My closest friend has told me that her ex-husband (who was also a very good friend of mine before they got divorced) has written to her saying that he “will not allow his son to visit my home.” He has threatened legal action against her saying that he “questions her sound judgement as carer” in allowing her son to visit me. He goes on to say that “she should have known better”. 

She and I are both appalled and she has written back and asked him for his reasons but he is refusing to give any saying that as he is someone with joint care and control he does not need to go into this in any detail. He goes on to say that his request is not unreasonable so she should respect his wishes and if she fails to do so he will seek legal recourse. He won’t specify what “legal recourse” he thinks he might pursue nor the grounds on which he might pursue it.

So what legal action can he bring? Presumably he might try and obtain a Prohibited Steps Order against me under section 8 of the Children’s Act 1989, prohibiting me from seeing his son.

So WHAT IS A PROHIBITED STEPS ORDER?

A Prohibited Steps Order is an Order from the Court preventing/prohibiting a parent doing something with their child. It is an Order made under Section 8 of the Children’s Act 1989:  “that no step which could be taken by a parent in meeting his/her parental responsibility for a child, and which is of a kind specified in the Order, shall be taken by any person without the consent of the Court.” [Section 8(1) of the Children's Act 1989].

The Order is entirely prohibitive or negative in substance, as its name suggests. The kinds of involvements with children which might be prohibited are infinitely various but, most obviously, contact between the child and an “undesirable adult” could be restrained. Either parent can make an application to the court to prevent the child associating with someone who has an adverse influence.

So am I an “undesirable adult” or someone who has an “adverse influence”? I haven’t as yet found any guidance or cases on whether someone with a mental health condition is prima facie “undesirable” but if I do, I will keep you all informed.

So what case might he run in front of the Court to obtain such an Order? What are the facts?

1. I don’t abuse children, either sexually, physically or emotionally, nor did the Court find that I had done any of these things, nor have I ever been investigated by social services for any kind of abuse.

2. I don’t drink, I don’t take any recreational drugs and I don’t even smoke.

3. I don’t have a criminal record, nor have I ever had one, nor have I ever been prosecuted for any criminal activity.

4. I have Bipolar which is medicated properly. I haven’t had a relapse since first going on treatment 3 years ago nor have I been hospitalised since first being treated.

5. My psychiatrist says that I am perfectly capable of looking after my children. If he was concerned in any way, he has a professional duty to report his concerns to social services; he informs me that he has never doubted my ability to look after my children.

6. I have shared residency of my children; the Judge would not have given me Shared Residency if she thought I was in any way a danger to my children as I am allowed to look after them on my own for 50% of the holidays and alternate weekends. There is no stipulation that I am to be supervised or that I have to have help in looking after them.

 Given all of the above factors, what is my friends ex-husband going to say to justify his “legal action” against my friend and me?

This is a man who met me around 13 years ago when I had Bipolar but none of us knew as it hadn’t been diagnosed and I was therefore untreated at the time and for the following 10 years that he has known me. During that time, we frequently met up and he never once told me or others that he thought there was anything wrong with me. When he and his wife, my friend, were divorcing, he spent hours on the phone to me whilst I counselled him through his hurt, anger, frustration, confusion and all his other feelings of breaking up with my good friend. He turned to me for that emotional and psychological support and repeatedly thanked me for my help. Clearly he felt that I had good judgement and that I was someone he could rely on to help and support him.

He subsequently became depressed and had to have a course of anti-depressants, so he himself is not immune to depression.

He and my friend broke up before I went into hospital in 2004 and was diagnosed and then treated. He hasn’t seen me since my diagnosis so has had no direct experience of me, my behaviour, my interaction with anyone else, nor does he know any of my friends; the only person he knows that could recount anything about me is my ex-husband and my friend. He hasn’t seen what I am like with my children or with his son so he has no experience of what I am like with children since having been treated for Bipolar.

And yet he considers me unsuitable in some way. My friend has asked him for reasons as to why he thinks his son shouldn’t visit me but he refuses to give reasons. 

I summise that there can only be 2 reasons for his objections: the first is that I left my husband and found another man. Maybe he questions my “morality” and thinks that my “questionable morality” (in his view) would somehow rub off on his son. Given that his son knows nothing about the whys and wherefors of my marital breakdown, I find this first reason unlikely. Apparently, my friend’s ex husband knows nothing about my ex-husbands physical and emotional violence towards me nor about his drug taking or his visit to a prostitute. Yet he considers my ex-husband to be perfectly suitable to remain friends with. When we are comparing “morality” I think each persons morality needs to be brought into account, not just mine. His son is 7, the same age as mine and therefore has a limited grasp of the complications of marital breakdown.

 The second is my Bipolar. I am pretty sure that this is the reason as he said “in light of everything that came out of the custody case” . I was not on trial for finding someone else, I was on trial for my capabilities of my mothering due to my condition and my general personality. Given that he clearly found my personality acceptable to him in the past when he knew me, I doubt that it is “my personality” that is bothering him.

What “came out of the custody case” was a Shared Residency Order i.e. That being the case, what is he worried about?

I can only infer that he somehow is frightened/concerned about what having Bipolar means. Has he sought to educate himself about what Bipolar is and how it may affect someone or how it is managed through effective medication?

I am also irritated with him; if he had any courage and integrity he would have phoned or written to me directly to discuss this with me. If he wanted to know about my Bipolar, why doesn’t he find out about how it affects me from the horses mouth and not through my ex-husband who he surely realises isn’t going to be objective about all this? If he knew anything about Bipolar and that this was his concern, would he not write down some of his objections? I summise that because he knows nothing/very little about Bipolar, he cannot in fact give her any reasons for his objection other than “I object”.

My friend has stood by me and told her ex husband that she and her son will continue to see me as and when they like. We are now waiting to see whether he will follow through and bring legal action against her…………

In the meantime, Im trying not to be too hurt by it all……

Has anyone reading this had any Prohibited Steps Orders issued preventing them from seeing anyone else’s children? Please let me have any comments…………What are your thoughts on this?