Comments on: Spousal abuse in custody proceedings – worse if abused suffers from mental ill health. http://kidsneedmums.co.uk/2008/11/17/spousal-abuse-in-custody-proceedings-worse-if-abused-suffers-from-mental-ill-health/ A Bipolar Mum Fights for her Children in a High Court Custody Battle Sun, 25 Jul 2010 09:15:14 +0100 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: martina http://kidsneedmums.co.uk/2008/11/17/spousal-abuse-in-custody-proceedings-worse-if-abused-suffers-from-mental-ill-health/comment-page-1/#comment-1184 martina Wed, 04 Mar 2009 08:01:26 +0000 http://bipolarised.wordpress.com/?p=191#comment-1184 Hi Trevor, Your letter does not contain the world 'love'... this word and 'I love you' words make the whole difference... truly Hi Trevor,
Your letter does not contain the world ‘love’… this word and ‘I love you’ words make the whole difference… truly

]]> By: justice4mothers http://kidsneedmums.co.uk/2008/11/17/spousal-abuse-in-custody-proceedings-worse-if-abused-suffers-from-mental-ill-health/comment-page-1/#comment-212 justice4mothers Sat, 03 Jan 2009 18:46:24 +0000 http://bipolarised.wordpress.com/?p=191#comment-212 Marie...I have awarded your site an award from one of my sites (just go to the website and paste and copy to your website..you get to name your five favorite bloggers, and pass the award on...congrats, you greatly deserve it!). My site to go to so you can copy the award is: http://uaadvindiana.blogspot.com/2009/01/our-first-award.html As for the award: There are conditions attached to the Award, however. The rules are simple: 1. Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends. 2. Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award. 3. Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to this Post, which explains The Award. 4. Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we’ll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor! 5. Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog. Now, our choices for our fave five: 1. Voice of Women (India): Wow, what a smart and interesting website. Case studies, videos, women's issues in India...this is a great site to visit. 2. Battered Women, Battered Children, Custody Abuse: Current issues dealing with the abuse that is happening with women and children in the family courts...a very good blog by Claudine Dombrowski. 3. Mama Liberty's Weblog: An EDGY blog, that cuts no slack for stupid people and the stupid things that are going on out there. 4. Kids Need Mums (UK): This is a blog that will bring me to tears sometimes...this mum is an excellent writer. Her blog highlights being separated from her children, mainly because she is bi-polar (which has NOTHING to do with her being a mum...and her children miss her terribly). A GREAT blog! 5. Mothers of Lost Children - Indianapolis: A local mom's group in Indianapolis that helps noncustodial moms and runs a support group...this is so badly needed here in Indiana. Marie…I have awarded your site an award from one of my sites (just go to the website and paste and copy to your website..you get to name your five favorite bloggers, and pass the award on…congrats, you greatly deserve it!). My site to go to so you can copy the award is:

http://uaadvindiana.blogspot.com/2009/01/our-first-award.html

As for the award:

There are conditions attached to the Award, however. The rules are simple:
1. Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
2. Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
3. Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to this Post, which explains The Award.
4. Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we’ll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!
5. Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Now, our choices for our fave five:

1. Voice of Women (India): Wow, what a smart and interesting website. Case studies, videos, women’s issues in India…this is a great site to visit.

2. Battered Women, Battered Children, Custody Abuse: Current issues dealing with the abuse that is happening with women and children in the family courts…a very good blog by Claudine Dombrowski.

3. Mama Liberty’s Weblog: An EDGY blog, that cuts no slack for stupid people and the stupid things that are going on out there.

4. Kids Need Mums (UK): This is a blog that will bring me to tears sometimes…this mum is an excellent writer. Her blog highlights being separated from her children, mainly because she is bi-polar (which has NOTHING to do with her being a mum…and her children miss her terribly). A GREAT blog!

5. Mothers of Lost Children – Indianapolis: A local mom’s group in Indianapolis that helps noncustodial moms and runs a support group…this is so badly needed here in Indiana.

]]> By: Marie http://kidsneedmums.co.uk/2008/11/17/spousal-abuse-in-custody-proceedings-worse-if-abused-suffers-from-mental-ill-health/comment-page-1/#comment-211 Marie Sat, 20 Dec 2008 11:28:27 +0000 http://bipolarised.wordpress.com/?p=191#comment-211 Hi Trevor, I would have agreed with your idea that I might be paranoid, as some people with mental health conditions do suffer from paranoia. It is a question that I have raised repeatedly with the professionals who have treated me who are in a position to put their patient's thoughts and reactions into some kind of spectrum and determine whether these perceptions fall into a paranoid category. However, they have all confirmed that I am not paranoid. The domestic violence team and the police have all also confirmed that it is not me being paranoid. All these people are objective and professionals who are used to dealing with these situations. I trust their judgements in terms of whether or not the things I'm telling them are paranoid perceptions or whether they are real. Financial control is a subject which is fraught with emotions even amongst those families who don't have mental health problems. I know many families where finanical control is a big issue for them and it causes huge rows. One of our marital counsellors suggested that couples who argue about money are using money as a vehicle on which they put all their other marital issues on board and that therefore money is only one of the many aspects that are causing marital discord. I know wives who hand over total control over the finances to their husbands happily and are relieved not to have to deal with it. I also know husbands who do the same. Conversely, I know many wives who resent bitterly the fact that they have had to either give up their job to look after the children or had to take a lower paid job with lesser prospects to look after the children. These women were used to their financial independence and find it galling and upsetting to have little or no control over the finances. To add insult to injury, if the husband is then mean with the family income and insists on his wife either having a meagre amount to live on whilst he spends indiscriminately or won't give her any of her own money, this is particularly hard for a wife who used to have financial independence. Naturally, it is always easier to blame the other person than to take responsibility for your own actions which I am very aware of which is why I seek constant feedback from others as to whether or not I'm falling into that trap. You're absolutely right to make that point especially as it takes two people to create any argument. I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife have marital problems. I'm glad to hear though that your wife is finally addressing her mental health problems. I can see why people put it off though for all the reasons that I have pointed out in this blog. Many people don't seek help, even when they suspect something is wrong, for all the fallout problems it might cause them: medical records, difficulty in applying for jobs, medication side effects, stigma from friends and relatives etc. However, as you know, I'm a believer that it is vital to get the right help if you are ever to live a relatively normal life thereafter but I can fully sympathise with those who don't. I'm not saying that she shouldn't get help, only that she needs support from a very good psychiatrist, GP and therapist if it is going to be workable for her. Hopefully, you and your daughter can then start to live a better life and the family can piece together their lives again. Thanks for taking the time to share and I wish you all the best. Hi Trevor,
I would have agreed with your idea that I might be paranoid, as some people with mental health conditions do suffer from paranoia. It is a question that I have raised repeatedly with the professionals who have treated me who are in a position to put their patient’s thoughts and reactions into some kind of spectrum and determine whether these perceptions fall into a paranoid category. However, they have all confirmed that I am not paranoid. The domestic violence team and the police have all also confirmed that it is not me being paranoid. All these people are objective and professionals who are used to dealing with these situations. I trust their judgements in terms of whether or not the things I’m telling them are paranoid perceptions or whether they are real.
Financial control is a subject which is fraught with emotions even amongst those families who don’t have mental health problems. I know many families where finanical control is a big issue for them and it causes huge rows. One of our marital counsellors suggested that couples who argue about money are using money as a vehicle on which they put all their other marital issues on board and that therefore money is only one of the many aspects that are causing marital discord. I know wives who hand over total control over the finances to their husbands happily and are relieved not to have to deal with it. I also know husbands who do the same. Conversely, I know many wives who resent bitterly the fact that they have had to either give up their job to look after the children or had to take a lower paid job with lesser prospects to look after the children. These women were used to their financial independence and find it galling and upsetting to have little or no control over the finances. To add insult to injury, if the husband is then mean with the family income and insists on his wife either having a meagre amount to live on whilst he spends indiscriminately or won’t give her any of her own money, this is particularly hard for a wife who used to have financial independence.
Naturally, it is always easier to blame the other person than to take responsibility for your own actions which I am very aware of which is why I seek constant feedback from others as to whether or not I’m falling into that trap. You’re absolutely right to make that point especially as it takes two people to create any argument.
I’m sorry to hear that you and your wife have marital problems. I’m glad to hear though that your wife is finally addressing her mental health problems. I can see why people put it off though for all the reasons that I have pointed out in this blog. Many people don’t seek help, even when they suspect something is wrong, for all the fallout problems it might cause them: medical records, difficulty in applying for jobs, medication side effects, stigma from friends and relatives etc. However, as you know, I’m a believer that it is vital to get the right help if you are ever to live a relatively normal life thereafter but I can fully sympathise with those who don’t. I’m not saying that she shouldn’t get help, only that she needs support from a very good psychiatrist, GP and therapist if it is going to be workable for her. Hopefully, you and your daughter can then start to live a better life and the family can piece together their lives again.
Thanks for taking the time to share and I wish you all the best.

]]> By: Still Your Mind Now http://kidsneedmums.co.uk/2008/11/17/spousal-abuse-in-custody-proceedings-worse-if-abused-suffers-from-mental-ill-health/comment-page-1/#comment-214 Still Your Mind Now Fri, 12 Dec 2008 23:50:31 +0000 http://bipolarised.wordpress.com/?p=191#comment-214 Excellent content here and a nice writing style too - keep up the great work! Excellent content here and a nice writing style too – keep up the great work!

]]> By: Trevor http://kidsneedmums.co.uk/2008/11/17/spousal-abuse-in-custody-proceedings-worse-if-abused-suffers-from-mental-ill-health/comment-page-1/#comment-210 Trevor Mon, 24 Nov 2008 22:59:15 +0000 http://bipolarised.wordpress.com/?p=191#comment-210 You could of course be paranoid. My wife has mental problems and is now only just beginning to address them after 20 years of marriage. During all this time she has imagined that I have been controlling her and at its extreme she spent the best part of a year trying to find evidence of abuse and only came up with the claim I controlled her financially (with the help of a solicitor). Given that she doesn't work (she can't hold down a job) and all the money comes from me, maybe from her perspective she was right - but with an annual allowance of £30,000 and no debts, to me her claim was absurd. I felt it would have been rather mean to suggest that if she truly wanted to be economically independent, then get a job and earn her own money so I didn't. If it wasn't for my daughter, who is often left terrified by her behaviour, I would be long gone. Sadly, it seems to me that women want the kids, deny them their fathers and seek to blame all their problems on their husbands and blow the consequences. I wonder how many women stop and take a look at their own attitudes and actions and consider if what they are doing may be contributing to marital discord. You could of course be paranoid. My wife has mental problems and is now only just beginning to address them after 20 years of marriage. During all this time she has imagined that I have been controlling her and at its extreme she spent the best part of a year trying to find evidence of abuse and only came up with the claim I controlled her financially (with the help of a solicitor). Given that she doesn’t work (she can’t hold down a job) and all the money comes from me, maybe from her perspective she was right – but with an annual allowance of £30,000 and no debts, to me her claim was absurd. I felt it would have been rather mean to suggest that if she truly wanted to be economically independent, then get a job and earn her own money so I didn’t. If it wasn’t for my daughter, who is often left terrified by her behaviour, I would be long gone. Sadly, it seems to me that women want the kids, deny them their fathers and seek to blame all their problems on their husbands and blow the consequences. I wonder how many women stop and take a look at their own attitudes and actions and consider if what they are doing may be contributing to marital discord.

]]> By: Spousal abuse in custody proceedings - worse if abused suffers … | The Exercise Site http://kidsneedmums.co.uk/2008/11/17/spousal-abuse-in-custody-proceedings-worse-if-abused-suffers-from-mental-ill-health/comment-page-1/#comment-213 Spousal abuse in custody proceedings - worse if abused suffers … | The Exercise Site Mon, 17 Nov 2008 16:27:41 +0000 http://bipolarised.wordpress.com/?p=191#comment-213 [...] the rest here: Spousal abuse in custody proceedings - worse if abused suffers ... Categories : Mental [...] [...] the rest here: Spousal abuse in custody proceedings – worse if abused suffers … Categories : Mental [...]

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