Just came across this forum on the BBC Ouch! website which is discussing how a person suffering from Bipolar is fighting an employment dispute with her employer…
The link is here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mbouch/F2322273?thread=5097747
Bipolar at work
Messages 1 – 19 of 19
Message 1 – posted by karmaboyblue (U11052790) , Feb 13, 2008
I am now going to try to cut a very long story short, but there is still going to be a lot to read!!! i appologise if it takes me a while to get to the meat of the matter,
I am 30 now and i was diagnosed with manic depression when i was about 15. Took Lithium till i was 19. Up until last year i always looked at that part of my life as a “phase that i went through”
after going through i terrible depressive episode in late december i was in a bad state. At the same time I was getting diciplined at work for persistant lateness and absence..
In January i saw those stephen fry programs with my girlfriend and we looked at each other in shock and for the first time i admitted i was ill. I went to the doctor the next day and an appointment was made to see consulant in July.
i made the decision to be open and upfront with my employers.
i told them everything and they seemed very helpful
I gave them permission to see my medical records etc.
they said they would get back to me with paperwork to fill etc.
In march, they still hadn’t got back to me. Through this time i was working as normal.
a couple of incidents occured in the middle of march
1) i was accused of verbally abusing my manager
2) i was accused of talking to a customer in an inappropriate manner
3) someone emailed my manager saying they thought i was lying about “having depression”.
I was called into an “emergancy” fact-finding meeting nearly two weeks after these incidents were supposed to happen.
i was very distressed and shocked , and instead of answering their questions, i sad with my head in my hands crying…
Eventually i calmed down and i was handed a piece of paper saying i was suspended on fully pay – i was told this was pending access to my medical records.
I cooporated with all their requests etc.
and in July i saw consultant and he precribed me on small doses of lithium (which are now increased to 800g a day – seem to be right level)
was invited to a diciplinary meeting day after i saw consultant
accused of 1) and 2) (above) and also for acting bizarrely in the factfinding meeting.
I wasn’t member of union, so i went to a solicitor who did free first interviews, you know, for a bit of advice etc…
i was all over the place when i saw him and he told me not to go to meeting as i was unfit to defend myself, i got doctor to confirm and was signed off sick july 5-november 5th
They stopped my sick pay in september saying i was not entitled to because of my live written warning.
I wrote grievence letter under instruction from my solicitor
had meeting and they came to conclusion in october, they ignored all the points i made and also changed the story about my sick pay,
they now said in the letter they sent me that the reason my sickpay was stopped was because after 6 months – company sick pay expires.
I was mad, and phoned up and tryed to point out the error in the conclusions and i reapeatly told him that I’d only been off sick since july and between march and july i was supended ect ….
he kept answering my questions like a politition and i lost my rag and unfortunately for me i told him to eff off
a letter came in the post a week or so later saying i was suspended on full pay (again)
i had grievence appeal metting on 16th january and am still awaiting outcome
I just received a letter today inviting me to a disciplinary on monday.
for reasons 1) and 2) and me swearing at manager.
even though i filled out the consent forms , they have not requested my medical records for my consultant.
their consultant says after taking to me for barely 20 minutes that incident 1) and 2) have nothing to do my my untreated condition
and has said he think that the third incident is the result of my personality and not bipolar,
I know that that 3rd incident has mucked up any chances of getting anywhere in a tribuneral (my solicitor has told me so)
I know i am going to be dismissed, as they have a rent-a-expert who has given them the green light to do so.
o man. i don’t even know what my point is now.
I know i’m going to struggle to get another job straight away, as my reference is going to be less than good reading.
is there any good organisation that help you get back to work.
I got a mortgage to pay , bills to pay, a girlfrien who is probably more stressed out than me.
Anyone who has read this to the end, thank you.
I just needed to get things off my chest a bit,
take care
Message 2 – posted by WirralBagpuss (U1819612) , Feb 13, 2008
Sorry to hear of this. First off sack the solitictor and get someone else, or better still a specialist disability rights lawyer. Your solicitior should never have put you in the postion as he/she put it has messed up your employment tribunal chances. I’d have a quiet word with the law Society about that, as it may be misconduct on the part of the solicitor ! Thats why i also think you should get a second opinion. At the very least talk to the advisors at the Disabilty Rights Commission
www.equalityhumanrig…
Clearly as i dont know the nature of the griveances or disciplinaries in question i cannot offer you specific advice on your indvidual case. however dont ignore the chance to go to an employment tribunal. Use every legal means at your disposal to put up a fight till the last drop of legal avenue has been used.
Hope this advice for what it’s worth helps and that things do sort themselves out. Best of luck
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Message 3 – posted by karmaboyblue (U11052790) , Feb 13, 2008
thanks for your advice,
I just got a call from my solicitor and my employers want to offer me a payoff and terminate my contract. i am considering it, as long as i get what i want as far as how they word my references and obviously they offer me a fair payoff
I’d Love to take things further, take them to the cleaners and all that
but i just want to get a new job
and enjoy my new life on medication.
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Message 4 – posted by majorconelius (U5289798) , Feb 14, 2008
I do not know what job your in, but think hard before giving up your rights, the problem if you work in a highly qualified job, companies will check on your CV, and the word of mouth is taken as fact not your CV, because large companies know people demand before being dismissed a good CV or covering letter.
This depends on your job of course working in Tesco or Asda thats not very likely, but I think your in a very qualified position, and I’ve seen as a Union Rep the word of mouth making it very hard for people to find another job.
You do have legal rights under the DDA to keep your job and it might well be worth fighting for, only you know this..
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Message 5 – posted by Emma-host (U2375749) , Feb 14, 2008
Hello karmaboyblue, and welcome to the Ouch site and message boards.
I’m not an expert, and have never been in your situation, so don’t feel I can offer any advice. A good suggestion so far has been to call the Equality and Human Rights Commission to see what advice they can give you about your rights and legal position in this case.
There are a number of organisations who claim to help disabled people into work, and these are easily searchable. Your Job Centre can also provide someone called a DEA, disability employment advisor, someone correct me if I haven’t got this quite right. This person should help you with your job search.
Best of luck.
Emma
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Message 6 – posted by karmaboyblue (U11052790) , Feb 14, 2008
To keep going is what i definately want to do, the fact that they want to terminate, tells me they are worried about the case.
They are a very big company and if i was high up the “food chain” i would definately carry on.
However i’ve been working there for 4 years at the bottom of the ladder without medication etc, all my working life i’ve struggled in jobs and not progressed and got the sack from half of them.
I’m on medication now and am receiving professional help, i think i will finally be able to build a career.
Do I try to take the big corporation on, that would seem to be the most noble thing to do. I don’t want to let the incompetant managers get away with their, well – incompetance!!
But I don’t feel very noble right now, I just want my girlfriend to be happy again. She has had a more stressful year than me, she’s had to put up with me and the situation. Once this is all over i’ll be able to repair the damage in our relationship.
i’m still really unsure what to do, toss a coin maybe?
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Message 7 – posted by Sociable (U6743562) , Feb 14, 2008
Welcome to Ouch karmaboyblue.
Just to follow up on Emma’s excellent suggestion to check out the exact legal position, and what options there are now available to help resolve issues like this, here is the link to the main EHRC Disability Helpline details:
www.equalityhumanrig…
Good luck whichever route you end up taking and please keep us updated and ask as many questions as you need along the way as we all love to help if and when we can even if it is only to provide moral suport and encouragement.
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Message 8 – posted by mabel_piratesmol (U3147115) , Feb 14, 2008
Hello Karmaboyblue. Just caught up with your story. Poor you & a for your Gfriend for being so supportive dispite her own problems.
I agree with PP and would strongly urge you to get a specialist solicitor who will stick up for you. Knowing that you were not fit to speak for yourself, your previous solicitor should have instructed your employer to only speak to him and not to harrass you…or else
I agree, your employers probably know their case against you may be dodgy. However, I wouldn’t commit myself to anything without proper legal advice.
As for help finding a job…you might like to take the opportunity to think about what sort of job you’d really like to do & maybe go back to college/train for something? Let’s hope that it doesn’t come to that, but I can help guide you through the benefits ‘maze’ if necessary.
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Message 9 – posted by tigerwarriorprincess (U9292809) , Feb 14, 2008
Your situation sounds something like one I have posted about recently – an ex-employer who couldn’t seem to apply the DDA.. a large ex-employer.. etc etc.. I’m not the best one to offer advice, as I ended up leaving my job with a pay-off instead of making my mental health worse by constant fighting, ie taking them to an industrial tribunal, which apparently I could have done.
Just wanted to wish you well, with whatever action you take – make sure your Health Comes First. No job is worth sacrificing it for.
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Message 10 – posted by mabel_piratesmol (U3147115) , Feb 14, 2008
Looks like I may have the same fight on my hands TWP
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Message 11 – posted by karmaboyblue (U11052790) , Feb 14, 2008
I’d like to thank everyone for their support, i wish i’d stumbled upon ouch last year!!
i agree, my solicitor could of done a lot better for me. However, what’s done is done.
I’ve decided after much thought, advice and reading that if i can come up what i feel is the right settlement for me , then i’ll do it.
I’d so love to take things further, but i want my life back!!
If … (oops, nearly gave the name of the company there) don’t agree to my terms, then i will take my chances.
as far as college is concerned, it is necessary for me to gain some qualification, as i have none at all. (except for some worthless nvq in I.T.) At the moment i am sharpening my skills on www.open.ac.uk/openl… I will be pursuing a balance between quality and cheap education.
I need to find something i’m passionate about, rather than working in a call centre for a big bank. I need to work because me and my babe got a mortgae etc to pay..
anybody know anywhere i can find a job where one can be creative, treated well, and with out the need of formal qualifications?
As far as benefits are concerned, i hope very much not to have to go down that route. I’m as well as I have ever been in my adult life and i’d feel like a fraud if i did.
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Message 12 – posted by mabel_piratesmol (U3147115) , Feb 14, 2008
Well done Karma – good luck with the Open University (OU). I’m currently in year 3 of a BA in Health & Social Care. I should be studyng now, but stopped for coffee break 1 hour ago
I can understand how you feel about just walking away.
On the subject of benefits:
1. There is no shame in claiming benefits – you’ve paid your Nat Insurance so now is the time to claim on that insurance. If someone wrote off your car, you’d claim wouldn’t you?
2. It’s not just the money – you need to keep your Nat Ins record up to date.
3. By claiming you’re keeping all those Jobcentre ‘bunnies’ off the dole
Please don’t delay claiming JSA or IB. You wouldn’t believe how many letters I get from people who delayed claiming because they thought they’d get a job quickly and are horrified that we can’t backdate the claim.
Good luck
Are you & Gfriend doing anything special tonight?
Sorry TWP
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Message 13 – posted by Limpette (U3941389) , Feb 14, 2008
Hello karmaboyblue – belated welcome. I’d have been to this thread earlier but I’m having to ration my Ouch time at the mo to balance stuff.
Do I try to take the big corporation on, that would seem to be the most noble thing to do. I don’t want to let the incompetant managers get away with their, well – incompetance!!
Quoted from this message
As someone whose MH prob and disability were caused by work, I had to make a similar decision. It seemed to me that the person who’d been wronged was the one who not only had to struggle with their MH, fight hard to get back into the workplace and keep their end up once there but, also struggle with the stresses of bringing their case. For some people, that just costs too much. And, as twp says, your health comes first.
I read on and saw that you’ll do what you feel is right for you. Good luck!
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Message 14 – posted by tigerwarriorprincess (U9292809) , Feb 14, 2008
Are you & Gfriend doing anything special tonight?
Sorry TWP
Quoted from this message
Someone’s obviously been reading Vaughan’s Valentine thread which I wasn’t going to dignify by posting on it (she said..)
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Message 15 – posted by mabel_piratesmol (U3147115) , Feb 14, 2008
Yup – ‘fraid so!
I noticed that you couldn’t resist though
Or are you just a soppy old romantic at heart?
I MUST do some Open Uni & salvage something from today.
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Message 16 – posted by tigerwarriorprincess (U9292809) , Feb 14, 2008
Or are you just a soppy old romantic at heart?
Quoted from this message
*snorts*
and pfffft
and
As If!
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Message 17 – posted by karmaboyblue (U11052790) , Feb 14, 2008
Me and my girlfriend will, probably go out for a few drinks. Valentines Day is all a bit too much of a commercial rip-off for me.
Our valentines day was couple of days ago,
we been going out for six years and two days now.
How she puts up with with me , i’ll never know!!
We went to a lovely indian restarant called nights of india (in manchester), and got drunk in a few bars afterwards, Outstanding food, brilliant night….
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Message 18 – posted by petjessie123 (U11331555) , Mar 26, 2008
Hi Karmaboyblue,
I totally know how you feel I have just walked out of a Job stupid I know but I have had a lot of time off and some silly moo I work with was telling people I was just skiving etc I pulled her up on it and she reported me!
Then the follwing week someone had a go at me so I walked now feel gutted I done that just married as well,I have started a new job but only manged a day!
Went to gp who has given me Quetiapine and increased my fluroxitine to 60mg
I have only been told I have panic attacks and deppresion I’m wondering if I may have Bipolar as my mood is up and down like a yoyo
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Message 19 – posted by MacBigJeff (U11293152) , Mar 27, 2008
Hi karmaboyblue
since i have become ill i have not worked except voluntary work. Whenever i disclose my illnesses on forms i get no response from jobs i apply for and met with people being scared of me because of my illness or even hostile. Its very frustrating to be seen as an illness and not a person.
A study carried out for the government found out that 70 percent of employers would not even take someone on for an interview let alone a job if they disclosed a past or present mental health illness.
I think most peoples reaction is like when Eddie izzard did a stand up show where he was talking about makeup on a man and walking into a newsagents to by a paper. Its as if the general public have no information on how to react. hes very funny explaining how he deals with it and how other people deal with him basically wearing women’s cloths and makeup. Although obviously different to disability it still evokes in some a hostile reaction to stunned silence.
On Stephen fry. i have been a fan of his work for some time and when he announced to the world about his condition and that he would be making a program about mental illness i watched with much believe that he was spreading the word about mental health in a way that no one to my mind has done before. It was a brilliant program and highlighted a great deal.
I wish you well in you life with this misunderstood illness
It’s been almost 2 years since I was forced to leave my home. The judge envisaged that I would be able to provide my children with a home and that my ex would be able to provide my children with a home, after all we have a Shared Residency situation.
For those of you who don’t know, a Shared Residency Order under the Children’s Act, is one where the children legally have a home with both their parents ie one with their mum and another one with their dad. They are not in a situation where one parent has sole residency and the other has contact rights, which has historically been the case with the majority of divorcing couples. (Typically the mum has had sole residency with the father having contact rights).
(I appreciate that many of you who read this article are in a worse financial position than I am in. I appreciate that many people both here in England and abroad live in similar circumstances and much, much worse. I am very fortunate to have a brother and his wife, who are kind enough and who have a spare bedroom, to put me up for this length of time. At least I’m not having to live in a refuge, or in a shelter……).
Please bear in mind that the reason I am writing this article is to illustrate the inequity in our particular financial circumstances. It is the inequity that I wish to highlight. I also wish to set out for you the legislation and to show how it is being applied to my case as an example).
In fact, the relevant principles are set out in Section 25 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 which, essentially, reads:-
“25 (1) It shall be the duty of the court in deciding whether to exercise its powers …. to have regard to all the circumstances of the case including the following matters, that is to say –
(a) the income, earning capacity, property and other financial resources which each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future;
(b) the financial needs, obligations and responsibilities which each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future;
(c) the standard of living enjoyed by the family before the breakdown of the marriage;
(d) the age of each party to the marriage and the duration of the marriage;
(e) any physical or mental disability of either of the parties to the marriage;
(f) the contributions made by each of the parties to the welfare of the family, including any contribution made by looking after the home or caring for the family;
(g) …the value to either of the parties to the marriage of any benefit (for example, a pension) which … (by reason of the divorce) ..that party will lose the chance of acquiring;…”
So, now we know the legal position, I will illustrate each of the points the Judge in the finance proceedings (known as Ancillary Relief proceedings) should have covered in his analysis and judgement of the facts of our particular case. (Note: the finance proceedings are a seperate set of proceedings to the Children’s Act proceedings.The Judge in the Children’s Act proceedings does not look into the finances of the couple but merely the residency issues of the children. The Judge in the finance proceedings only looks at the financial aspects of how the children and the divorcing couple are to be housed and maintained).
Taking each point in s25, I will set out the facts in our case:
>(a) the income, earning capacity, property and other financial resources which each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future;
Income:
My ex earns £450,000 per annum; I used to earn well as a City solicitor but gave it up to look after our children. Although I am self employed and starting to gradually work again, I earn very little. There is a huge disparity of income between us.
Earning capacity:
My ex will continue to earn this until his law firm decide not to continue to want his services. He is an equity partner and therefore a joint owner of the business so he can’t technically be “sacked” but he can be “eased out” by the other partners. He is in his late 40s so could still get other employment once he has to leave his current firm.
My earning capacity hinges on 2 factors:
1. I have Bipolar. Not only does this result in huge discrimination by employers (80% of the unemployed have mental health problems despite the fact that 90% of them want to be employed (government statistics), but working whilst managing my Bipolar is a challenge in terms of what job I could hold down succesfully.
2. I am now in my early 40s and have not been employed for 10 years. Although I am a solicitor, I am out of date with the law that I used to practise and so am re-educating myself with the current legislation. Clearly, it will take time to get myself fully back into the market, if indeed I can. I am also a woman and women still only make up 25% of partners in law firms, despite the fact that 60% of all lawyers qualifying are women. Women are still paid less than men for the same work, even trainee lawyers coming out of college are paid more. (Law Society statistics).
The Judge has therefore decided that I can be expected to earn around £18,000 per annum. The reality is that I am earning around £4000 per annum currently.
Financial needs:
We both have the need to finance our children: clothes, food, health care for them. My ex has a more onerous need in that he pays for their private education which is expensive. That is part of why he has been awarded more of his income which is fair enough. Because he has the children during term time, he has also been awarded more due to financing the cost of a full-time live in nanny and a cleaner! (The irony is that if he allowed me to look after them, he wouldn’t need to pay for a nanny or a cleaner!).
Other than that, however, I do not accept that his financial needs for himself should be given priority over mine. He should have the same clothing, food and healthcare allowance as me. Yet, his personal allowance is far greater than mine. This has been justified by saying that he works hard and therefore should be allowed more. Yet this flies in the face of the concept (supposedly embraced by the law) of equality in contribution between a bread winner and a parent who contributes by raising the children and running the home (which I had done for 8 years prior to the divorce).
The Judge has decided that my husband should have a disposable income amounting to between 89% – 92% of his income, whilst I should have between 6% and 11%of his income for only 5 years. Thereafter, he gets to keep his entire income whilst I get nothing.
Why is this fair? Apparently, because he has awarded me 2/3 of the value of the capital of the house. This would have been fine, except that the value of the capital is now not even going to cover my debts.
Property:
We jointly own a house worth millions (it was originally valued at around £3.5 – £4 million but the last offer we had was £2.5 million due to the recession and it still hasn’t sold). It has been on the market for 18 months now. The mortgage is £2.1 million and the costs of the sale will amount to around 1.5% of the value) Once you split the remainder, I am left with around £200,000 out of which I have to pay my legal fees and other debts amounting to £450,000. I therefore have no capital with which to buy a house and will be left with circa £250,00 worth of debt. Given my income position, I will have to declare myself bankrupt as I cannot clear these debts.
As a direct contrast, I do not have a home of my own at all, I have been awarded 6-11% of his annual salary out of which I have to pay £1500 per month on debt repayments. I therefore cannot afford to even rent a home. For the past year, I have had to borrow my boyfriend’s 11 year old car to drive the 120 mile round trip to see the children.
I am living in my brother’s spare bedroom in which the children and I have to live during the 50% of their time with me in the holidays and other times (their time with me amounts to around 200+ days a year). We all have to share a bed even though the children are now 10, 8 and 7. Their clothes are in 2 sets of drawers and a cupboard. Their toys are in toy boxes stacked in our bedroom.
When I go up to see them after school, or in one of their matches or for any other time with them, I have to drive 120 miles round trip (around 4 hours in a car) and they and I have to hang out in the town or in a hotel or in a cafe in order to spend time together. I am often having to stay at friend’s houses during the week when I have multiple visits up there. Not only is it unfair on my friends to continue to put me up, but it is exhausting for both me and the children to not have a home to go to when I see them. Whilst they are with me, we all have to share a bed and our one room has to contain all our worldly things.
This is not a sustainable situation.
(d) the age of estrong>(c) the standard of living enjoyed by the family before the breakdown of the marriage;
This legislation states that, in awarding maintenance, the Judge should give consideration to the fact that each spouse had been used to a certain standard of living during the marriage and, if finances allow, this standard should be continuing: in other words, one party should not be placed in a position of severed financial contrast to the others. The children should not be expected to have to cope with living with a parent who is substantially poorer than the other one ie go from a luxurious home to a poor home. Yet this is exactly what has happened.
Prior to divorce, we led a luxurious lifestyle, travelling to several destinations a year, eating out, going to the theatre, holding many parties etc, etc. We were extremely fortunate.
Now, it is very different for me. I am constantly worrying about my food bill, I very rarely eat out, I have been on one holiday in almost 2 years (and that was because a friend lent me her holiday home). Yet for him, his luxurious lifestyle has barely been touched.
My husband continues to live in this house with a full time live in nanny, our 7 double bedroom, (4 with ensuites), 5 reception rooms, 1/2 acre of land, has a full time live in nanny (who even works on weekends), a cleaner, a brand new BMW X5, a new Golf for the nanny and still happily affords to live a luxurious lifestyle, regularly eating out at nice restaurants, travelling and being a member of 2 sports clubs.
Section 25 (d) the age of each party to the marriage and the duration of the marriage;
We are both in our 40s – he is 6 years older than me. The Judge therefore accepted that he may have less time to earn money than I do. However, the fact is that in his time left, he will earn vastly more than I do therefore this is a skewed concept. If he continues to earn £450,000 for say 5 years, he will have earnt £2.7 million. In contrast, the Judge claimed that I should be able to earn £18,000 pa. If I can work til the same age as my husband stops working, then I can be expected to earn for another 12 years at £18,000 pa. This amounts to £216,000. With my maintenance award (which only lasts for 4 years from April), I will have received £406,000 in the next 12 years ie £33,833 pa.
This is an outright unjust and extraordinarily inequitable situation that I am in. I simply cannot understand how the Judge has allowed this situation to happen.
Duration of the marriage
This is relevant because the longer the parties are married, the more likely it is that they have jointly built a life together and therefore it is going to be harder for each of them to maintain themselves on their own.
We were married for 10 years, together for 13 years. Apparently, this is considered to be a “medium” length marriage.
s 25 (e) any physical or mental disability of either of the parties to the marriage;
I have a mental disability ie Bipolar. He has no disability. This immediately puts me at a severe disadvantage in terms of my ability to earn a good level of income. His ability is unencumbered.
Section 25 (f) the contributions made by each of the parties to the welfare of the family, including any contribution made by looking after the home or caring for the family
My husband’s contribution is clear ie he was the main breadwinner funding our home’s mortgage and bills and lifestyle. I worked throughout most of my marriage on a part-time basis and so earnt very little. I spent the majority of my time being pregnant, giving birth (3 children in 3 years) then looking after our son who has a severe physical disability (ie Type 1 diabetes) which he got age 2. This meant that I could not work full time as he needs 24/7 care.
I also spent a huge amount of time on building our house which was a £1.3 million project. We increased the size of our house from 4000 sq ft to 7000 sq ft.
I therefore consider my contribution to our family as equal in value to his.
(g) …the value to either of the parties to the marriage of any benefit (for example, a pension) which … (by reason of the divorce) ..that party will lose the chance of acquiring;…” </strong>
This is essentially a pension in our case. I have forfeited the chance of acquiring a pension as I have not been working full time during our marriage. My husband, in contrast, was able to put aside money for 2 pensions albeit that they are not substantial. He will continue to be able to provide for his pension, whereas my ability to do so will be extremely limited.
The Judgement and award:
The Judge heard all the arguments over a 5 day hearing. This is the award he came up with ie a maintenance award and a capital award:
1. Maintenance award:
I am to received 6.7% of his gross salary for 3 years and 11% for 2 years.
Out of this maintenance, I have to support the 3 children when they are with me as well as look after myself.
Typically, any spouse is awarded around 40% -50% of their ex’s income.
Capital:
Usually, the capital is split 50:50 depending on the needs of the children whose welfare is the court’s main concern. The main issue in any finance proceedings is that the children are to be provided with a home. This is why, historically, where the children have lived with their mum, the woman stays in the home and the husband has to move out and buy/rent another home for himself. This is not the legal situation we have: ours is a Shared Residency with both of us legally obliged to provide a home for the children.
We jointly own the home, but I have been awarded 2/3 of the value to ensure that I can provide a home for the children as I won’t be able to do this out of my income whereas my ex could provide a home out of his income position.
Conclusion:
The children and I am now in a position which is unsustainable and hugely inequitable. It is not fair on either them or I to be expected to live in a vastly inferior way to him and I am not going to tolerate it. I have tried to negotiate with him but he says it’s not his problem but mine. I have asked him to come to mediation but he refuses to do so. I have tolerated this for almost 2 years. I can no longer tolerate it and am not prepared to.
Unfortunately, more fireworks will ensue……
