Well, somehow I knew it was going to happen – the continuing excuses as to why my husband still thinks I shouldn’t be able to see the kids………
In April,I was forced to leave the family home following my husbands Occupation Order to get me out on the basis that my presence in the house was causing the children “significant harm”. I didn’t agree that it was my “continuing presence” that was causing them harm, but the arguing and bickering was distressing for them. My own view though was that it would be even more distressing for them if I left, especially without another home to go to and for them to call their own too. But I was advised by my lawyers that the Judge would force me to go so, rather than spending another £20,000 of wasted legal fees, I was told I should go. So I did, very unhappily. Not surprisingly the children were terribly upset. They told me they kept going into my empty room and couldn’t believe that I was gone………..and so was my bed that they cuddled up to me in.
However, I have Shared Residency Order which states that the children are to live with me for half the holidays and every other weekend during term time, and another afternoon or possibly two each week for the mother as agreed between the parties. So my solicitors wrote to his, suggesting that the kids and I should see each other every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon after school – an arrangement which the Judge had said in the Court Order that she would “welcome” but it would have to be with agreement by both parents.
However, I thought at the time the Order was made that the reality was that my husband wouldn’t agree to it and, sure enough, he is still refusing to agree to an afternoon after school so that the kids and I can see each other. His reasons are still the same as they were 6 months ago: “the children need routine and stability.” Well, surely the same afternoon each week for contact is “routine”. Surely the children will feel more “stable” if they see their mother once a week? “The children have a very important year ahead of them at school.” Oh, and not seeing their mother is going to help them with that??
Where are the children’s rights here? Or their Human Right to have a family life (one of the Rights set out under the Human Rights Act). Or my “mother’s rights”…..Who says there are any such things???
Herein lies one of the biggest problems with a Court Order in Family Law which leaves any kind of extra time with either parent to the agreement between them: it was so obvious to me that my husband wasn’t going to agree to any extra time. When he and his barrister both made oral promises to the Judge that he would definitely encourage and facilitate as much time as possible with me, I could see through his charm, but the Judge was convinced by him. The Judge, however, didn’t go as far as to enshrine any right of the kids to see me mid-week so my requests for more time will continue to be met with refusal.
(To give him his due, he did allow the kids and I to celebrate my birthday together last Thursday which was absolutely brilliant! They got me a Scooby Doo birthday cake with more candles than space on his vast face………yes, I’m ancient……Best birthday I’d had in a very long time. Just me and the kids. Bliss). But that is one rare occasion of “extra” time.
What can I do about it?
I will keep asking, just keep writing, keep writing, keep writing with the same request hoping that he will eventually realise that it isn’t kind to either the kids or me to keep us separated from each other.
The only other option is to go back to the Judge and ask her to adjudicate again on the issue of these after school times. My husband must surely be expecting that I will have to do this; he can’t think that I wouldn’t want to keep asking to see them or that the kids won’t keep asking to see me? It makes so much more sense though to just be sensible rather than going back to Court again. That would be distressing for all of us, but maybe not as distressing as the continuing absence of my children and I being able to spend time together.
The thing is, my Bipolar is completely under control and has been ever since before the Court hearing started; I have repeatedly been given the all clear by my psychiatrist who says I am perfectly stable. So it’s not like I’m manic or hypomanic or severely depressed or alcoholic or abusive or anything else – I’m just a really decent, loving mum who wants to see her kids and, most of all, give them loads of love and hugs………..I’ve even told him that he can insist on making me have a psychiatric assessment of my mental health every 6-8 weeks if he needs any reassurance, so why’s he refusing to take me up on it?
His latest reasons are that I have been “turning up at the kids schools and this has distressed them.” What I have, in fact, been doing, is to attend every single school event that I can so that I get to look at the kids even if I can’t hug them or talk with them. So I go to all the school masses, services, sports events, coffee mornings, kids parties etc. I am fully legally entitled to go to these, so I’m not just “turning up”. Also the kids want me there at their sports matches, their masses, concerts etc. The only reason they are distressed is because they’re not seeing enough of me, not because I’m there!
He then cites the fact that on around 3-4 ocasions, I have dropped the children back between 15mins – 1 hour late on a Sunday night after my long drive back up to Kingston through Sunday afternoon, London-bound traffic. This is “proof” that I am unreliable and irresponsible……………..clearly.
So, I just have to keep asking. Most importantly, the kids keep asking me why they can’t see me more often and they ask me to ask him. So I do. And he says no. So I ask again. And he says no. When the children ask me why he says no, I simply have to say “I don’t know why, you’ll need to ask him yourself.” What else can I say?
My eldest daughter (frighteningly mature and perceptive for her age) said: “Mummy, you have to stand up to him. If you don’t, he’ll just keep treating you badly and ignoring you. If you let him get away with it, he’ll carry on doing it. You can’t let him carry on like this.”
Well, that may be the truth and I want to stand up to him for her and my sake. But just how do you stand up to a parent who is determined to put you down and stamp on you? I can only think that I have to be as level headed as possible and appeal to his legal/rational mind. So I keep writing to him.
Unfortunately, due to the incredibly strategic manner in which my husband ran his case (he’s the head of a litigation department, so he knows all the tactics), I have learnt to ensure that there’s a paper trail of correspondence so that he can’t claim that I haven’t requested time with the kids. I send the emails with the “Read receipt” and “Delivery report” option so that he can’t say that he didn’t receive it (which he has said in the past about emails that he’s denied receiving). When he doesn’t answer, I just keep forwarding the email asking him to reply. If this goes back to Court then I will have all my requests documented that I have continually asked to see the kids and he is persistently refusing. By asking him to reply by email, he has to put his reasons down in writing. Which of course are then also documented so there is no way that he can argue that he didn’t give the reasons that he has, in fact, given. Our whole relationship has always been plagued with the “you said “x”" , “no I didn’t – I said “y”", “no you didn’t” etc. We even discussed this in our 2 and a half years at Relate: how can 2 people sharing a conversation remember totally different things about what was said, in what tone, with what expression etc? Even before we divorced, we agreed that we would write things down in emails to send to each other so that we had a record of what each of us had said in a vain hope of avoiding rows about who said what. Clearly it didn’t work, hence the divorce……..!
Oh, and I forward all the emails and the replies to my lawyer for safe keeping in case there’s any denial that these requests were ever made……………….
However, I am no longer able to afford to instruct a barrister to represent me; therefore I am a “litigant in person”and don’t have to pay any more legal fees. That being the case, any correspondence or further Court applications won’t cost me any more money so I don’t have to worry about the fees. I think my husband will still be paying for his though……
Any other parents out there also having similar problems? Did any of you manage to find a clever way of solving this issue?
Please let me know or just keep hoping for me……………
Well, it’s been about 10 weeks (its now June 07) I think since I last told you all what was happening so here it is:
I had to leave the home in April and the kids had to stay there with their father and, of course, the full time nanny who is now looking after them for the most part. Why did I have to leave? Well, because the judge had already made her mind up even before the court hearing started. She came into the court room, sat down and announced that she HADN’T HAD TIME TO READ THE COURT PAPERS of the occupation order application and supporting statements from my husband and myself. She simply said very impatiently that I should leave because obviously the children were suffering “significant harm” by my presence. Prove it? She felt she didn’t need proof – she said it was “common sense”…..( I wonder if there has ever been a legal decision which has been based on “common sense” before? My own view about “common sense” is that it’s not very common……………Moreover, I am not aware that the yardstick for evidential proof is “common sense”. I thought it had to be proven in some way, either objectively by reference to objective criteria or subjective according to a set of guidelines. But maybe my own legal training needs to be questioned; I shall go and read my text books on “evidence” again………I’ll start at the subject index “common sense”……….
My husband had issued an Application for an Occupation Order ie a Court Order to force me to leave the family home (jointly owned). My lawyers and I had spent a fair amount of time (and I had spent in the region of £10k in fees) putting together my witness statement defending my right to stay in my own home and to stay living with my children until our house was sold and my husband and I could go our separate ways.
My husband had sought fit to insist that the court issue an Occupation Order to get me out of the family home on the basis that my continuing presence in the home was causing the children to suffer “significant harm”. (See the separate post on the meaning of “significant harm”).
I naively thought that the concept of “significant harm” might be provable in some objective manner but no, it’s not. I argued with my lawyers about this insisting that there must be some objective test of significant harm and was incredulous when they informed me that there is no objective evidence which is called for when deciding whether or not the children have suffered “significant harm”. It’s obvious apparently – common sense. Really?? Let’s just consider that statement for a minute: how does anyone determine what is “significant”? How does anyone determine what amounts to “harm”? What is the “cause” of the harm? How do you measure “cause and effect” of behaviour vs emotional/pyschological “harm”?
If you ask a person those questions and compare their answer with the answer from another person, would the answer be the same? Probably not. Therefore is the concept subjective or objective? If there is a high chance that the answer would be subjective, then surely it is not just to allow one person to determine the answer. Surely there should be at least a panel of three or maybe a proper jury of 10? At least that would introduce an element of objectivity.
Surely if the legislation sets out a concept such as “significant harm” there should be a benchmark against which to measure the “harm” being suffered? Is it a child’s behaviour now as against their behaviour before the divorce? Is it how they are achieving in school? Is it whether they are sleeping at night? Is it how they are progressing developmentally in comparison with their peers?
Who is able to answer these questions? Is it the parents? Is it the teachers? Is it the neighbours, family, other witnesses?
Well, read the legislation: it’s so woolly that it’s fraught with room for argument. There are no clear guidelines and, what’s worse, there is no mechanism set out for proving that “significant harm” has been suffered.
Surely this has to be proved using objective and professionally skilled and qualified experts in the field of child psychology and development? Surely????
If this was a case on aeronautics, or building defects or fraud or a criminal case, experts would be used to determine issues of evidence that are beyond the skill and level of expertise that a normal judge should be expected to show. What judge is a child psychologist?
This judge isn’t and yet she is allowed to determine whether or not a child is suffering “significant harm”- based on what? Based on her experience as a family lawyer? That experience doesn’t give her the skill or level of knowledge of how children develop, how they suffer emotionally or psychologically? She is simply applying the law to a set of facts. That is what a lawyer does and that is what they are paid to do. They are NOT psychologists nor should they attempt to be. They should use their professional judgement and recognise and accept that they should seek expert advice from experts in a particular field when their own expertise is limited.
A FAMILY JUDGE IS NOT A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST and should not be taking on the role of determining whether or not a child, whom they have never met nor heard evidence from, is suffering psychologically or emotionally. To do so amounts to pure “guess work” on their part or from being persuaded by one or other equally unqualified and inexperienced witnesses to the case.
This lack of expert evidence to resolve this issue amounts to an extreme gap in the legislation and one which I am going to lobby to change.
I asked my barrister to insist that the judge should have to obtain some objective evidence before determing for herself that the children are suffering significant harm and he duly argued with the judge about how this concept was going to be proved. The judge sat down and said: “I haven’t had time to read the papers”. I was stunned: here we were, all in court: me and my solicitor and barrister, my husband and his solicitor and barrister and the judge and all the ushers – all of whom were there to decide whether or not I could continue to live in my own home AND SHE HADN’T HAD TIME TO READ THE PAPERS OF THE CASE…………..
Right, I see. That’s ok then. We’ll all just spend a huge amount of time, energy, stress and money preparing our defence and the judge can’t find the time to read the case papers. Mmmmm.
However, she said that she didn’t need to read any more papers, after all she observed that she had sat through a 10 day hearing of the case and had heard all the evidence she needed to be able to make up her mind and it was clear to her that the children would OBVIOUSLY be suffering harm if my husband and I continued to live together under the same roof as we had done for the past 18 months of the horrendously acrimonious split. Therefore I should leave. Simple.
What about the children? Won’t they suffer “significant harm” if their mother is suddenly forced to leave and has no home to go to? Won’t they suffer from having a complete stranger move in and start looking after them FULL-TIME as their new full time nanny? A person they have never met, have no idea who she is but will now be their surrogate mother? Won’t they suffer from not knowing where they will be going when they are living with their mother as she does not have a home to go to? Won’t they suffer if their mother has a relapse in her health because of the stress of having to leave her home with no income and no job and no home to go to?
Apparently not. Apparently any situation for them would be preferable to the one they were in where their mother and father were living under the same roof arguing.
Now, I can fully understand that no child wants to hear their parents arguing – it’s horrendous there’s no doubt and I experienced that as a child myself. But equally, many couples live together for years and years and argue without ever splitting up. Should those parents be forced to split because they are causing their children “significant harm”? If they are allowed to continue living together arguing and arguing and the children are suffering as a result, are they guilty of causing their children “significant harm”. If so, what is done about it by the law? Nothing.
If these parents are not forced to split up for the benefit of their children, why was I forced to leave? I can only surmise that I am forced to leave because my husband and I have decided that we should get divorced and therefore one of us has to go. The judge decided the children would be the subject of a SHARED RESIDENCY ORDER but are to live with their dad during the week.
Now, my husband and I both own the house. We both were living there. He has a job and an income and no health problem. I have no income, no job and Bipolar Disorder. Who has to go?
To me there is no logic in that argume: how can any person determine whether or not a child is suffering more harm from staying in a home where the parents are arguing than the harm suffered from forcibly removing their mother?
It strikes me that the only people who are truly able to judge the harm being suffered by the child is (a) the child and (b) a child psychologist. The people who are least able to judge the harm are (a) the parties’ respective lawyers and (b) the judge who has never met the children. Both sets of lawyers and the judge are hearing highly subjective views from me and my husband who both perceive the situation entirely differently.
The Judge decided however that she is able to determine the question of how much harm a child is suffering purely on the evidence of the parents and of the other witnesses and no expert evidence is required. Now the problem with this view is that of the quality of the evidence which is as follows:
1. The husband’s witnesses – all highly subjective and non of them professionally qualified to determine a child’s psychological state.
2. The wife’s witnesses – equally as subjective and not professionally qualified.
3. Expert witnesses who are experts in the wife’s psychological state and not in the children’s psychological state.
4. The CAFCASS officer whose report the judge dismissed as being chronically under-researched.
So just WHO is able to say how the children are suffering or feeling???????????????????
If you ask the children, they would tell you that they want their mum to stay and that they don’t want a nanny looking after them. They would also tell you that they hate the arguing. Fair enough if you ask me. So what’s the solution?
According to the judge, the solution is to insist that I leave, regardless of where I go. Nowhere in the family law legislation does it provide that the children’s feelings and views should be heard by a qualified child psychologist. Why on earth not? Why does the law think that family members, teachers, neighbours etc would know better than a child psychologist as to how arguing is affecting a child? Family members are likely to be highly subjective and biased and not necessarily be able to see “the woods for the trees”. Surely a psychologist would be the most reliable source of evidence for a court: objective, skilled, experienced and professional.
This just isn’t the case. The legislation doesn’t provide for this. It leaves the entire decision making up to the judge with no recommendations/guidelines as to the use of a qualified child psychologist.
Extraordinary isn’t it? I have to keep repeating here that I am a lawyer. I am not a qualified child psychologist. The judge is a lawyer, she is not a qualified child psychologist. So how can she make that assessment????
Do please comment: What do you think? Should a judge be made to rely on a child psychology report rather than on his/her own knowledge of child psychology?
Stumble Me
As you know there is an application under way to get me out of my home by way of an Occupation Order. Amongst the measures of whether or not the Judge could grant an Occupation Order in favour of my husband, is the test of whether my staying at home with the children is likely to cause them “significant harm”.
Which immediately begs the question: “What constitutes significant harm?”. Under the legislation (Family Law Act 1996 – section 33 (7)
“If it appears to the court that the applicant (my husband) or any relevant child (my children) is likely to suffer significant harm attributable to conduct of the respondent if an order……..is not made, the court shall make the Order unless……” (I’ll go on to the “unless” bit later)
So where does the piece of legislation set out the definition of “significant harm” – what is the test?
(Maybe I should reiterate here that I am a lawyer so am trained to dig around in legislation and unearth the legal definitions and meanings – if they exist!)
In section 63 there are some definitions:
“harm”:
“ (a) in relation to an 18 year old plus, it means ill-treatment or the impairment of health
(b) in relation to a child, it means ill-treatment or the impairment of health or development”
“Development” means: physical, intellectual, emotional, social or behavioural development;
“Health” :includes physical or mental health
“Ill-treatment”: includes forms of ill-treatment which are not physical and, in relation to a child, includes sexual abuse
Section 63 (3) provides a little more guidance:
“Where the question of whether harm suffered by a child is significant turns on the child’s health or development, his health or development shall be compared with that which could reasonably be expected of a similar child.”
So, to sum up the above definitions then:
Harm would be ill-treatment of a child (including non-physical ill-treatment) which adversely affects their physical, intellectual, emotional, social or behavioural development or affects their physical or mental health.
This harm would considered significant if his/her health or development is compared with that of a similar child.
Ok, maybe we’re getting somewhere on the definitions to be applied. However, more questions arise in my mind:
Which children do you compare the child in question to? Is it :
- other children going through an acrimonious divorce whose parents are still living together one of whom has Bipolar I or
- other children of the same age, health, stage of intellectual development etc who are simply going through a divorce of any sort?
- Who is the test group??
- Who identifies these children?
- Who approaches and assesss them?
Ok, so suppose you identify a “similar child”, how do you assess them and then make comparisons? Do you:
- Ask the parent of that child if they can be assessed to determine the difference between them and the child in question?
- Do you guess why there is a difference?
Guess what? There is no guidance in the legislation as to how you go about establishing this! As usual, the legislature come up with these great ideas and then don’t follow through instead leaving it to the judges and the lawyers to try and come up with a way of dealing with it themselves. The judges then decide based on what they, totally subjectively, think about it.
I will put up a separate post on the results of my husband’s application to get me out of the home.
Any experiences of other people who have either applied or defended such an application would be gratefully received.
April 2006: My husband is seeking an Occupation Order to chuck me out of my home.
The law permits a person to apply for an Occupation Order under the Children’s Act where the Judge considers that the children would suffer if a parent stays in the home with the children. This an example of how the Courts and the legislation haven’t addressed the issue of mental health in family law proceedings. On the one hand, my mental health condition has been given by the judge as the main reason as to why I can’t see my children often as she recognised that I am vulnerable to stress as it can trigger an episode of my depression and anxiety and looking after children is deemed to be stressful.
BUT on the other hand, my condition has been completely disregarded by the judge when it comes to chucking me out of my home; the fact that I am inevitably going to suffer great emotional and psychological stress from being forced to leave my children and my home is irrelevant. The court considers the welfare of the children as paramount: fair enough as a general rule. But how is the welfare of a parent with a mental health condition going to be weighed against the welfare of the children and the welfare of the other parent?
Is this mental health discrimination and prejudice or just simply a total lack of thought/ignorance on the part of the legislature or of the individual judges applying the legislation?
My husband is applying to the Court for an Occupation Order to get me, a Bipolar sufferer, out of our matrimonial home. He wants me out immediately. I don’t have a regular job or income (because I have been looking after our 3 children, so I am self employed and don’t have regular work). I have no money to buy another house or even rent one until our matrimonial home is sold. He is refusing to give me any money to pay the rent or support myself: he just wants me out and doesn’t care where I go. (Even though he earns £450,000 he claims that he cannot afford to pay for me to rent somewhere else so we are now having to go to court over that too!).
I legally own half of the matrimonial home and have lived there for 10 years and have spent around 8 of those years renovating it, putting huge amounts of energy, time and love into building it. Accoring to Matrimonial law however, the fact that you own your home makes no difference; the courts can still make you leave it. Any property law rights are overriden by the Matrimonial Law as the matrimonial finances are considered to override property law. (As an ex Property lawyer, I am still appalled by this notion………On the one hand you think you legally own it, only to find that actually you don’t any longer…………)
In case you are wondering what an “Occupation Order” is the following definition may help:
If you want the right to return to, stay in or exclude someone else from the home, you may be able to use an occupation order. Occupation orders can also enforce rights, as well as giving or ending rights to occupy a property. They can also be used to restrict someone’s use of a property, for example, if you and your partner have to live in different parts of the same home.
Occupation orders usually last a specific length of time and are supposed to be a short-term measure and only used in cases where the child would suffer significant harm should the parent remain in the house.
In England, the law on Occupation Orders in Family Law is set out in The Family Law Act 1996, section 33. If you want to check out the legislation for yourselves go to the government website setting out the Family Law Act 1996 as an original piece of legislation and read it for yourself.{http://www.opsi.gov.uk/acts/acts1996/e1996027.htm#33.}
I go through what section 33 says in more detail in another post. But for the purposes of my own particular immediate case, my husband is threatening to apply for an Occupation Order to get me out of our home on the basis that I am causing the children “significant harm” by remaining in the house.
Now, because my husband has been deemed to be the children’s primary carer in the custody battle we have just had, he and the children will continue to live in the house for a while. In the meantime, he is not prepared to countenance me continuing to live there and so is applying to the Court to get me out of the house. I want to remain in the house until it is sold so that I can continue to look after the children and they don’t have to move into rented accommodation with me but can go from their home into two separate homes, both of which will be permanent instead of rented.
I don’t have any money; I don’t have a job and my legal bill is circa £300k with credit card debts and loans amounting to around £50k. All my money is tied up in the house so I can’t just “up and leave” and buy or rent a new home.
I have taken legal advice on whether he can just obtain this Order from a Court and chuck me out. In the judgment in our custody battle the Judge said that I should leave the house within 28 days. She didn’t take into account any fact regarding my lack of finances or the reality of trying to find a new home to go to. According to the Barrister who is now advising me, the Judge should not have even begun to deal with such an Order without listening to all the facts relevant to making an Order to exclude me from my home.
When the Judge had the request to make an Occupation order to exclude me from the home, by law she is required to have regard to the following issues as set out in the Family Law Act:
- The housing needs and housing resources of each of the parties and of any relevant child
- The financial resources of each of the parties
- The likely effect of any order, or of any decision by the court not to exercise its powers under this section on the HEALTH, SAFETY or well-being of the parties and of any relevant child.
If the court thinks that the applicant or any of the children are likely to suffer significant harm attributable to the conduct of the respondent if an order is not made, the court shall make the order unless it appears that:
- The respondent or any relevant child is likely to suffer significant harm if the order is made; and
- The harm likely to be suffered by the respondent or child in that event is as great as or greater than the harm attributable to conduct of the respondent which is likely to be suffered by the applicant or child if the order is not made.
The Court may exercise its powers under this section if it considers it just and reasonable to do so.
Now you know the law, lets see how it applies in my case:
I have Bipolar 2, a fact known by the Judge and one she determined made me, in her words “not a very well woman”. Not well enough to look after my 3 children apparently. The Judge dismissed the reports from 3 expert witness Consultant Psychiatrists who made it very clear that I pose no danger to myself nor to the children nor to anyone else and that I manage and cope with my ‘mild’ Bipolar extremely well. They all advised the Judge that I am capable of looking after my children as my illness is properly medicated and under control.
Now, given that I have Bipolar 2, presumably putting me out on the street with no home to go to would be pretty damn stressful for me which could set off a Bipolar episode. It may also cause disruptions to my sleep, not knowing where I was going to be living as well as screw up my carefully adhered to daily routine (necessary to keep my moods as stable as possible). Not to mention now needing to find a job.
So should I be ordered to leave despite the harm that I (the Respondant) may suffer? Well, I guess that depends on whether the Judge decides that there will be “significant harm” to the children if I stay or to my husband (the applicant).
What does “significant harm” mean?
Looking at the facts: I don’t hit the children, I don’t neglect them – quite the opposite. I adore and love my children very deeply. I look after them emotionally and physically, meeting their day-to-day needs: I cook proper meals for them, I wash their clothes and dress them, I do their homework with them, take them to the doctors, administer my son’s insulin injections, take them to their sports matches, take them to and from school. I don’t have a drink or drug problem nor have I ever. I don’t even smoke.
No reports by the school to social services, no criminal charges or actions and the children all have had excellent school reports. Moreover, my husband has continued to go out to work full time leaving me in charge of looking after the children without nanny help since last September. Presumably then he thinks I can look after them otherwise he would have given up his job or insisted on having a nanny.
WHAT IS SIGNIFICANT HARM?
Will my husband (the applicant) suffer “significant harm” if I stay? What would this be? Upset because we may argue ocasionally?
Aaaah, but here comes the “harm”: my husband and I argue – badly and often in front of the children. Does this constitue “significant harm” to the extent that I should be removed from the house because of the “significant harm” the children are suffering when they hear their parents rowing? Of course the children of any marriage suffer when parents argue which is horrendous for them. But, lets face it, parents who remain married and living together often argue horrifically – does the court think they should be forced to live separately because of the harm being done to the children. Of course not. So why is this case different?
How is the effect of our co-habitation in an acrimonious marriage to be measured on the children?
So far, it is my husband saying that the children are “suffering” due to our co-habitation. How does he prove that or doesn’t he need to? The judge who will be hearing this is the same judge who believed everything my husband said so far. I think she will probably just accept that he thinks the kids are suffering from my presence and so that will be enough to exclude me. The fact that it takes 2 to argue and that he is often the one who provokes the arguments seems to be irrelevant; it is my presence apparently, not his, that is causing the problem according to him.
Which brings me to the next question then: how will she determine the effect of chucking me out of my home on me? She is obliged to consider this under the provisions of the Act.
If the Judge decides that the children will suffer significant harm if I stay, she has fulfilled the first test. She then has to look at the second test:
If the harm likely to be suffered by me or the children is as great as, or greater than, the harm to my husband caused by my conduct if I have to leave, then the order shouldn’t be made.
So, if the judge considers that my remaining in the home will cause my husband or the children greater harm than the harm it will cause me to leave, then she can order me to go.
Given that the children have made it abundantly clear that they don’t want me to leave, it seems to me that the person most likely to suffer “significant harm” in this situation is me as I have Bipolar and this needs careful consideration. If I thought the children would be suffering, I would go. But I don’t believe they are and they tell me that they want me to stay with them.
I know that my husband is suffering from the stress of our marriage but he is adding to this by bringing these court proceedings and refusing to give me money to rent somewhere. He continues to berate me and to bully me thereby continuing the stress. What effect does this stress have on him? He says he cannot sleep and that he has a patch of exzma on his leg. I know then that he is stressed. However, given that he does not have an illness to manage and I do, surely the effect of the stress on him is less than it is on me? I also cannot sleep and it is well known that stress and lack of sleep is a major problem for sufferers of Bipolar as it can trigger either a depressive episode or a manic episode. Exzma or Bipolar? Mmmm…….
But maybe I’m misguided and selfish?
Will she even think of me in all this?
How do I prove that chucking me out on the street with no money to go to a new home will cause me “significant harm”?
Any comments gratefully received. Anyone of you readers ever experienced this or know of someone who has?
I need to put together a defence against being chucked out of my home and I have to do it this week – ANY ADVICE, HELP gratefully received.
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